2016. was a strange year. If you didn’t break up your relationship, and you’re still here fighting – good for you.
Many many relationships in this year have been going through a period of cleansing, rebuilding, even breaking due to very challenging aspects hitting us on-off, for months and months. It’s not easy, especially for people that already have some challenging aspects in their natal chart. Such as Venus square/oppose Uranus, Neptune, Pluto, even Jupiter or Saturn.
But regardless of your sign, or planet aspects, you might have experienced the pain of separation, rejection, cold shoulder, etc. It really feels like relationships are going through some kind of evolution that will lead us to something else.
Love me tender, love me sweet, never let me go
Awww, the sweet butterflies of a new lover. Bells are ringing, plans are in the making, everything seems so wonderful. We think of our new lover as perfection, a vision of our dreams, everything we have ever wanted. A prince/princess has finally come into our lives, now everything is perfect.
This is the period that usually lasts for about six months (some don’t even go that far, so for them, we can make this shorter, like two weeks). And then things start to happen. Masks fall off, the person starts showing imperfections (read: themselves) and suddenly each new fight or crisis brings us feelings of unhappiness and re-thinking the whole thing.
Usually, a crisis happens at the first six months of a relationship, if it doesn’t break it then, it will try to break it in the next six months and so on.
So many people really mistake being in love with actually loving. Some get bored and yearn for a new thing (very common in Venus-Uranus), some build up the illusion and then get disappointed (very common in Venus-Neptune), some take love too seriously only to find out it wasn’t serious at all (Venus-Saturn) and so on.
Each relationship is different, but each relationship is equally valuable and has the potential for building something higher than ourselves. But many people don’t understand that.
Recently I’ve seen even people that are calling themselves spiritual coaches that tell people that messing around is okay. If you call yourself a spiritual teacher you shouldn’t be projecting your own views onto others. Some people think messing around is okay, and they mess around with no harm, sometimes messing around harms other people and that is not okay.
Each side has its own share of the story, each side is equally valuable as well. But if you’re representing yourself as a guide, master in something, clairvoyant, astrologer, psychiatrist, psychologist, even doctor you need to have both sides in your brain. And leave personal behind. You simply cannot suggest that one is better than the other because not all of us function in the same way. And that truth is the most valuable thing to hear in this period.
So what happens when love fails? Usually, it’s very comforting to blame the other side for not being good enough for us, not being pretty enough, not smelling that good, not taking us to ZOO, not sexing us right.
Me, me, me and me. And it often fails because of fear of commitment, fear of change, fear of so many things.
Love is my biggest fear
Because in love we learn how to leave me and build Me (higher self). Not only in romantic intimate relationships, but also in friendships. Everybody molds a perfect picture of their perfect partner, but that picture is actually what we want us to be. And then we project, and projection continues until the screen is broken, you two are sitting in the room with no internet, no subjects to talk about, no wish to sex, and you feel like strangers. You feel like as if someone else would give you something better. There is someone out there better for me, more pretty, more interesting and fun.
But that’s an illusion that will last for a short of a period of time until we go back to the stage where we realize that no one can make us happy. Other people are not obligated to make us happy or sad, and the sad truth is that if we don’t like spending time alone we should reconsider what makes us happy in the first place.
When I was younger, I had problems in the relationship. Each of my relationships would last about a year or two until something happened. Usually, I was the one breaking it up, because I felt changes in another person, I felt neglected and I was scared to be left alone. It took me so many years to realize, the problem is not in other people, I had a problem that needed to be solved, made conscious if I ever wanted to build a healthy relationship.
It might have been easier for me since I was always a thinker, analyst of my own feelings and thoughts, plus astrology was a tremendous help for me to think about my own aspects, signs, and how does this pattern play out. I had Venus in Cancer in opposition to Uranus retrograde in Capricorn.
I knew I always wanted a security and nurture but something inside of me was also independent, stubborn, wanting my own rights, freedom, a revolution against losing my identity and unique personality. I never knew how horrible Uranus can be when it’s boring, and really. I had to go through many relationships (friendships & intimate romantic relationships) only to always come back to the same state of mind and feeling.
I was always free, but I wanted to seek freedom somewhere else. I felt as if I was in a relationship that became a bit monotone, that it would eventually lead to break up so I would always break up first so that I wouldn’t be the one being left. This is the most honest thing you will ever read on relationships. Trust me.
It has become so absurd that many people that are marriage counselors refuse to talk about their private life. I think it’s important, we’re all humans and nobody is perfect. Perfection is an illusion. The only thing perfect is our uniqueness and imperfections that make us who we are. No lies, just pure human.
So what is love?
That question is to be answered by you. To each person, love represents something else. But we can all agree on certain things that show love, and that is support, will to work on one relationship before jumping into the next one. It’s teamwork after all.
But my best advice would be if you’re hungry for a change, change something about yourself, if you’re hungry for touch, don’t run to someone else, if you’re hungry for sex, don’t just give up and cheat on your lover. You can always fix things if you’re willing to.
And if you’re not treated well, where you are now then demanding change, and if you can’t handle change, then leave. You will see in a few months or years if your decision was right or wrong.
Working on yourself is working on love too, but don’t forget that relationship requires two people willing to work on something. Not one, but two or more. Depends on what kind of relationship are we talking about.
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